Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Failure and Mom Guilt

Tomorrow we start sleep training with Sawyer. We are going to have to let him cry it out. I am posting this because I might be absent for a while.... I have a feeling I'm not going to get much sleep for a few days at least. It is supposed to take 3 nights, but Sawyer is stubborn and I'm anticipating 5. I'm not happy about having to do this. I have tried so many other things. We have been struggling with his sleep for three long months now, and I am at a loss for what to do. This is a last resort. I feel like I have failed him and myself, and this is the hardest thing I have had to do. BUT, it will be better in the long run. He won't need me to nurse to sleep, he will be able to lay down and go to sleep for other people, he will learn to sleep on his own, etc... I just have to keep telling myself that.

(And please don't tell me how I'm making a terrible choice and it is unnatural to let my baby cry. You don't know my child, I really have tried everything I have read and thought of. And not for a few days, for weeks I would try new things and still nothing. I have been giving this my all and I am at the end of my rope. We all need more sleep, including him.)

So, that is my mom guilt of the century. Maybe the next kiddo will be a better sleeper. Or maybe Sawyer will drive me so insane he will be an only child. Who knows. 

On a happier note, Weston and I went to the movies last night. I think it may have been my first trip to the movies since before Sawyer was born! We saw the Hangover 2. Meh. I would wait for the video. I didn't think it was that funny. But, I still had a good time going out with Weston and enjoying some adult time. 

I also finished a new hat for Sawyer. Pictures have been taken, and will be posted soon. He rips it off as soon as I put it on him, so I think that means it is a success. :) 

Alright, off to shower and tackle this rainy day. And keep your fingers crossed that Sawyer will surprise his parents and not be a terror for the next few nights... 


Northern Lights Fiber Co. said...

So glad you and Weston got to have a night out. Also don't feel mom guilt!! I have NEVER seen a mom be so dedicated in trying every option. You are an amazing mom who cares so much about doing what's right for your son and your family!

Miss Julep said...

Awwww, please don't criticize yourself!! You have NOT failed!! Sawyer is a human being with his own free-will and mind. What works for some doesn't work for all. You're the Mom, you know what's BEST! It is not our call to judge or advise you on this or any other subject, unless you ask, (or in case i were your Mom, which I'm not, ha,ha).

From what I read & see both here & on Ravelry, you and Weston are fantastic parents and really, REALLY love your son. Finally, parenting is a huge, awesome,never-ending learning curve.

jennifer said...

You are a fantastic Mom!!!! Also, you ARE Mom and you know best! Yes, letting him cry will be hard for a few days, but you will be soooooo happy you did it! I can attest to having gone through that process a couple of times. It works and you will all feel better soon. Email me if you need to talk! I love ya!!!

craftypuppylover said...

Hugs from Wisconsin!!!! There is no mom manual, there is no right way to parent. Every kid is different, every family is different!!! The fact that you are willing to whatever it takes proves that you are being the best mom Sawyer could ask for. I see so much of myself in you and totally understand how it can be easy to get down on yourself. You are not a failure until you try to sell your baby on ebay or something :) :) we love you!!!